I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
