I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
