Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Dick very happy bro
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
