At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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