So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
