I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
