Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
