Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
