i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
