Please, let me fuck your mom
my sisters under your porch take her home
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
