I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
