Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
