you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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