did you get engaged???
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
