I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
