So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
