I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
