I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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