I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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