Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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