Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
