Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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