Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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