Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I want a musical about memes.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
