i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
