can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
