you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
