I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
my being single is dangerous.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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