Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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