I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he shaved USA in his pubs
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
