I wish I could teleport
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
