somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He passed out mid-signature
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
