i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
