you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
