She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
