sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
