Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
