I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
