You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
