im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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