Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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