every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
