I just cut my nipple shaving
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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