You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
