i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
