listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
