she looked like the before picture.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
