also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
