If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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