well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
