the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
