Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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